This Is Me Ranting

I wish I could express to you just how chaotic these past couple of months have been. Literally, so much has happened that it’s been insane.

For one, I had a girlfriend; had being the key word. She broke up with me the night before our one month, and I was absolutely crushed. I knew her type, flirtatious and pretty, so, somewhere deep inside me, I knew that the relationship would not end well. This wouldn’t by the significant other I’d have my “fairy tail wedding” with. One question that haunts me, though, is if I can’t handle breaking up with someone after nearly just one month, how do people deal with breakups after they’ve been with someone for over a year?

Shout out to all those people out there still looking for the perfect s/o. I feel you. Or, if you don’t feel the need for an s/o, then shout out for being yourself.

Another thing: my dysphoria has never been worse. Like, I’ve been beyond stressed lately, kept to myself, and been super irritable. All these things I’ve never noticed or cared about before keep me awake at night, so much that my friends say the bags under my eyes have become very visible. A lot of these details are personal, but I’m seeing a therapist soon, so for now, I’m basically living off protein bars and emo music. It’s like my dysphoria and anxiety is a little buzzing noise in the back of my head, always there; on some days louder, but others softer. I have plans to buy a binder soon. (Not the things you keep paper in, an actual chest binder.) Hopefully that will help. Because I can’t stand to wear a bra like ever, ever again. I use he/him and they/them pronouns, people. And as soon as I can, I’m going to get top surgery. My skin feels so curved and plasticity all the time, and it frustrates me more than anything else.

Another thing: in my spare time, I have been dabbling in writing on Wattpad. I have started a pretty sweet story there, if I do say so myself, which is mainly why I haven’t uploaded my other story onto this website yet. My profile name is the same as on this site, so go check it out, if you want to.

Also, I need to tell the rest of my family my gender identity soon. I can’t stand my aunts asking if I “have a boyfriend yet,” and the last time I saw all my relatives they mainly talked about my “beauty” and how “grownup” I am. I wanted to rip my hair out.

If anyone else can relate to these things going on in my life, then the only thing I can recommend is to find someone to talk to, because if it weren’t for my friends I’d be in such a worse place right now. They have been there for me, no matter what time or day I call/text them, and I cannot thank them enough.

Last but not least, I know that I haven’t included many details of my life, but it’s all very personal, and I get that may not excuse my absence from my site, so I’ll try to be better. In the meantime, you all are beautiful/handsome, and remember to take time for yourself, if needed. As always, keep calm and rainbow on!

P.S: I’ll make sure to post an actual post soon. Apologies. ^w^

 

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#WontBeErased

I dropped everything I was doing to type this post. Because, at the moment, I am totally enraged. I am beyond furious, as is everybody else in my community, I’m sure.

In case you haven’t heard the news, allow me to tell you why I’m currently the most infuriated I’ve been in a long, long time. A breaking story has just come out stating that The Trump Administration wants to define gender as something you were born as, thus making transgender “nonexistent”. As said in the New York Times, “The agency’s proposed definition would define sex as either male or female, unchangeable, and determined by the genitals that a person is born with…” I, like every other non cisgender person out there, am pissed off. What will happen to us, the rest of the population who experiences waves of gender dysphoria everyday when going out in public? Without the support of the government, how will we live?

I’m gender queer, and I’m trying to be open about it. But, with all these things happening in the world, I can’t help but wonder if I would’ve been better not coming out in the first place. I’m sure other people are in my same shoes, but what’s done is done. I can’t change the fact that I typically use they/them pronouns. So how can we prevent The Trump Administration from passing this bigoted definition?

We, the community of allies and queer peoples across the world, need to step up. It’s time we bond together, in any way we can, to stop this madness from spreading.

The world is changing. With all the progress we made on equality and eradicating transphobia, we can’t give up now. And if we have to fight, so be it.

#transgender #genderqueer #whatwillhappentotherestofus? #WontBeErased

Animal Rights

Hello, everyone! I apologize for not posting my book just yet, but I felt this post was more important.

After finding out some very disturbing information and talking to one of my best friends, I felt that it was not only my right to speak my mind, but also my duty. My friend agrees with me. He knows that animal rights can be a very controversial topic, and he knows I only have a small audience I can broadcast my opinions to, but we both agree that the world needs to change. And change starts with us.

Did you know that most farms take terrible care of their animals? We’re talking filthy living environments, abuse, etc. And did you know people fight dogs to the death as a “sport”? Another thing: household animals used to get discarded by the side of the road in paper bags, tossed carelessly out of a moving vehicle, and to this day animals are still abandoned. Did you ever even pause to contemplate how much your pets depend on you? A dog, for example, has been domesticated by humans over years of breeding. We are the ones who bred different types of dogs together to create mutts. And, now that we’re done with our little “science experiment”, how we “repay” these creatures is by tossing them aside into the cruel world or even eating them. It’s awful, and about time animals got the rights they deserved.

It’s time for humans to change. For the world to change. As organizations (such as Peta) step up to try and make a change for the better, what do we do? Nothing. That’s what we do. Animals have survived long before us, such as sharks, and we continuously hunt them for fun. Fun. Like the show Wicked Tuna. I honestly don’t get how people enjoy these shows: watching innocent lives being murdered by bloody hands. Billions of species (such as certain frog species in jungles) have gone extinct thanks to us. Those animals will never be brought back to life. Never. That’s genocide; all thanks to deforestation and buildings such as factories that mass-produce things like plastic.

It’s sickening.

Did you know humans are animals? That’s right. We are mammals, just like your cat or dog. We are all alive. In retrospect, our pets aren’t so different from us: we are all just trying to survive, which is our primary instinct. So why do we go around acting like we are superior to other critters, then? I’ll tell you why: ignorance, our lust for power, our stubbornness, etc. I don’t think we should’ve domesticated animals to begin with. Frankly, I loathe how pet shops keep their animals locked up inside their building late at night, when there’s no one there to care for them if something were to happen. And I hate walking next to the meat isle in a supermarket. I get that eating meat is all part of the “cycle of life” or whatever but did anyone ever think about what their hamburger is actually made out of? I’m proud to say I’ve been a vegetarian for a year and three months.

Animals are alive, just like us. It’s time the world changes and we recognize that.

#animalrights #theywereherefirst

 

 

Special Post! :-)

Wow! Six people, including myself, are now following my blog. I’m so honored, y’all! My heart goes out to all of you. Whether you’re an ally or queer yourself, I’m proud to be a part of this community with you. 🙂 The world can always have more rainbows in it. 😉

Also, I’m on Wattpad and Pinterest now! I believe I might have mentioned this already, but if not here it is now! My profile name is the same for both Wattpad, Pinterest, and this blog (r4rainbow) but you’ll know it’s me on Wattpad and Pinterest because of the Brendan Urie profile picture. If you don’t know, Brendan Urie, who’s the face/lead singer of the group Panic! At the Disco, is pansexual, and I found a photo of him draped in the rainbow flag from his coming out performance. You’ll also know it’s me because of the YouTubers, Marvel comics, LGBTQIA+, and All Time Low pins I have on Pinterest. And on my Wattpad account, I even uploaded an exclusive fantasy story, featuring queer main characters. Go check it out! Follow me and/or leave a comment. I have a link to my blog on Wattpad as well.

Another thing, I haven’t been able to post the first chapter of my book on WordPress because I have, as I mentioned, been typing up another story on Wattpad. And, let me just say, the story I typed is utterly amazing. I’m not going to spoil the plot, but wow, I didn’t think I had it in me! Just goes to show you, you can do anything you put your mind to.

Well, that’s about it. Granted, this was a special post I didn’t plan on doing. Also, I got the email someone was following me late because I was out of the house (I know! I actually stepped outside, for once) and my phone died. I’ll be sure to post more often and conserve battery on my phone in the future. In the meantime, keep calm and rainbow on! 🙂 Byeeeeee!!!!

P.S. Fun fact: Loki, from Marvel Comics (I collect vintage Marvel Comics and love watching the movies. That and I go to Comic Con and cosplay (dress up in a costume) every year…) is canon (accepted as fact in the MCU Universe, basically) gender fluid, as well as bisexual! That’s a cool tidbit of info for yah. 😉

 

Happy Ally Week!

Hello and welcome, one and all, old viewers and new. Happy ally week! It’s been a crazy week so far, which resulted in me not being able to post as much, but I’m here now; my headphones blasting My Chemical Romance in my ears. First, I need to talk to you all about my progress on my book/my goals for this blog in the future, so let’s get that done with, shall we?

Okay, so I will be posting the first few chapters of my book in about a week from now, most likely. (If its been a week and I still haven’t posted anything, feel free to email me. Chances are I’m just lazing around playing Fortnite anyway.) Just a recap, the plot of this book is about the struggles transgender and non-cisgender people face in society and other issues regarding LGBTQIA+ members. Tell your friends! (Or, if you don’t have any, re-blog this post. :-))

Next, goals for the future: this summer, I didn’t meet my goal of ten followers (I’m five off) so spread the word through social media and such! I have a Wattpad account now, so follow that as well! (You’ll know its me because of the Brendan Urie picture. Also, I put the link to this blog in my description.) Let’s make it to ten subscribers, okay? 🙂

Another matter: as of now, I still identify as gender fluid, but I realized I don’t need to identify myself as anything. I don’t need to label myself.

Now, as I mentioned, this week is ally week! So be an ally to LGBTQIA+ people by always being respectful and kind. If you yourself are on the rainbow flag, lift your head up high. You all are beautiful, and the world deserves to know that.

Last but not least, I have about a million, no, a trillion ideas as to what my next post should be. Any suggestions? Leave a comment below! For exclusive content, don’t forget to check out my Wattpad! ✌ Peace out.

#genderfluid #allyweek #pansexual #LGBTQIA+

What do you know about yourself?

“The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” –Marcus Aurelius

Originally, this blog was a place for me to share my feelings of happiness, vent my feelings of sadness, and rant about things that got on my nerve, whilst hopefully relating to my audience’s own experiences in life. It was a way for me to connect with the world without actually showing my face and avoiding experiencing a wave of social anxiety, and, through all the blog posts other people have posted, I feel as if I’ve gotten to know everyone better than if we were talking eye to eye. This is a safe, anonymous community, and it’s sort of a break from reality. That said, though, as I develop more people I care about and start to expand my social life, I feel as if I have one of my feet in the real world and another in the virtual, online one. I certainly didn’t expect, when I started this blog, for me to have grown as an individual. I started a timid, skittish person struggling to grow into themself, and I feel as if now I’ve grown stronger, and accepted all the multicolored sides that make up me. I don’t know all of the sides, of course, but does anyone? Which lead to the theme of this post.

A lot of things make up me (peskatarian, young, queer, blogger/writer, a sibling/friend/hopefully-someday-significant-other, a geek/fandom-lover, emo, caring, funny/sarcastic-in-some-scenarios, to name a few). Awhile ago, I realized not everyone knows as much about themselves as I do about myself. And, I know everyone says this, but it’s okay if you’re still figuring stuff out about yourself. Most people are still unlocking the many sides of themselves as adults. As multiple people have said, “Nobody else knows what they’re doing, either.” Everyone’s just figuring themselves out in this mystery we call life. (That might be a quote from somewhere; I have no idea.) But, to further explore who you are, start with what you do know. For example, your hobbies, your hopes and dreams for the future, whatever really. Finding out who you are and who you were meant to be in life will take time: most likely over the entire course of your lifespan. It’s not something that simply takes a day: it’s tedious. And learning more about others takes even longer.

Think about it this way. In English class, you may remember learning about characterization, which is the traits and features of a said character in a story. There is indirect characterization, and direct characterization. Direct is when a trait is stated about a character upfront, while indirect is when you have to infer characteristics from something the character said and does. When learning more about others and yourself, you’ll probably be using indirect characterization. Think about your life as a book, and all your friends and family members are characters. The book revolves around you, and every page, every day, is an opportunity to learn more about yourself.

As much as you think you may know about who you are, where you stand on certain topics, who you care for, etc, if my emotional journey on this blog has taught you anything, it’s that there’s so many beautiful pieces that make up an individual. Go out into the less-than-perfect world and take a chance; dare to be yourself. Dare to follow your heart, your dreams, your aspirations in this puzzle we can life. By doing that, you may inspire others to search and complete their own destinies, and the world may become a better place for all. Whatever family you were born into, whatever race, gender, or sexuality, religion, etc, you are irreplaceable. You (yes, you) matter. Go out into the world, be good, and be yourself. Spread happiness, love, and life, not sadness, despair, and misery.

I hope this post inspired some of you. I hope you feel empowered to do good, and I hope you share this message with others. In the meantime, I’m going to go and eat breakfast. Peace out, internet!

Courage

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.”               –Nelson Mandela

Courage is used frequently in an individual’s lifespan. Some have courage in themselves and/or various causes naturally, but for others it takes time, focus, and practice. To find something you believe in and have the confidence to stand up, loud and proud, and shout your believes to the world… well, that’s something I’m only learning how to do. But other courageous, brave acts can be smaller, and help us lead up to the marches, public speeches/protests, etc, etc. (Be prepared for me to say the word “courage” a lot in this blog post.) Small acts of courage can help us gain confidence in ourselves, and like my oldest sibling said to me over text last night, “Courage goes a long way”.

Why did I decide to type up this post? Because being one of the courageous, kick-butt people you see nominated for awards and stuff online or on the TV is something I can only dream about. And, as I find more and more out about myself, it’s become excruciating to not have the power to speak up and tell the whole world who I am. I plan on getting my hair cut, and telling my oldest sibling I’m mostly her brother, not her sister. When I go to places like school or work, I have to deal with judgmental people who don’t know how to act kindly towards someone queer people such as me. I hope some people can relate, because I’m f***ing terrified.

Which is why, as I mentioned earlier in this post, I’ve been trying to complete small acts of courage. Like this anonymous blog.

Another thing I want to talk about: there’s a line, I believe, between being courageous and being stupid. Some people tend to blur that line, which, in my personal opinion, mostly results in the harm of either yourself and/or others. Try to use your brain about some things, and if something doesn’t seem entirely safe and it may cause injuries to others and/or you, don’t dare yourself to do it as a “heroic act of courage”. Be smart; it may save other’s or your life/lives.

Long story made short, be courageous and try new things, but don’t be afraid to start off small, and use your wits. I, for one, am turning over a new leaf, and starting to speak openly about my believes of social equality and who I am as a proud, LGBTQIA+ member. Just remember to be kind and respectful to others. On that note, I didn’t reach my goal of ten followers, but I’m still typing up my book! Please follow my blog for updates on when I post something, and leave a comment below about today’s post, if you want. Lastly, if anybody out there in this wide, wide world is lacking the courage to either be themselves or some other thing(s), don’t worry. You’ll get there: I’m sure of it. Hopefully my post today helped. If not, opening up to someone you trust may be helpful. You can always contact me, if needed. Anyways, talk to you later. Peace out. 🙂